What love does
by devoid.of.all.matter
Summary: Naomi and Emily fall for each other after a night out. They become close and form a relationship. Naomi is hesitant at first but then accepts her feelings. But what happens when Emily gets scared? And will they ever recover as a couple? Skins isn't mine
1. Chapter 1: Changes

What love does

**Hope you like the first chapter of my fanfic :) I'm all new to this but i felt compelled to write for some reason. Anyway hope you enjoy it. It's a pretty personal story really, based on real life shizz :O  
****Read and review if you'd be so kind xD  
Disclaimer: Skins isn't mine and never will be...dammit.**

Chapter 1: Changes.

I lay awake thinking of what love does to a person. It can bring many people happiness throughout their lives. It brings people together in unity and can set aside differences once thought were too big to overcome. It can lead the way to new life being created. And more importantly, it can make you _feel. _I mean really feel something. Something that you once thought was never there, but then suddenly it appears from deep inside your soul. It's a strange feeling I must say, to feel it for the first time. And with it comes a whole host of other emotions (happy, sad, frightened etc). But all in all they all make up the whole point of us being who we are today. We are all here to love.

Well where do I begin? Where can I begin?  
I had myself pretty sussed out before she came along, Emily that is.  
I was sure of whom I was before, but know, I couldn't describe to you the emotions I feel. She's got my heart in a headlock.

Yes me. Cool and confident Naomi Campbell, the one who never lets anyone get close. Not even close enough to be able to tell which earring's I'm wearing, let alone get to know what's going on inside my messed up world.

But I let her in. I let her get to know the _real_ me. The person who I so desperately tried to conceal from the outside world.

* * *

You see it all started in Sixth Form one day outside on the field. My friend Effy introduced me to her, I mean, I had seen her briefly before, in assemblies and other glorious school shindigs, but hadn't really got to know anything about the girl. All i knew was that she was small and had red hair.

Effy came up to me and said "This is Emily by the way, Emily Fitch. We are in Graphic Design together and she's pretty cool". I didn't really know what to say, but then I took one look into her brown eyes and I felt a strange feeling, one that I had never felt before. Usually I didn't give a shit about people that I barely knew. But this girl was different, this girl intrigued me.

The feeling took me by surprise and all I could say was "Hi, I think I have seen you around before...you have nice eyes you know".  
The embarrassment I felt in telling a girl that I had met for all of two seconds that she had "_nice eyes_" was too much for me to handle and I felt a surge of scarlet travelling to my cheeks. I looked down and cursed inwardly at my 'smoothness'.

"Thank you, you do too. Yeah Effy has told me a lot about you. You're coming to the party at Yavers tonight right?"

I didn't want to go to the party at all in fact as there not really my thing. But the look on her face sort of told me that she wanted me to go, strange I know, but I felt a sort of connection, like we had known each other for years.

"Yeah I'm going" I said, didn't really know how to elaborate on that or indeed tell the truth and just bottle out completely like I would have wanted to.

"Awesome well I'll see you there then Naomi" she said as she got out a piece of paper and a pen and began to write.

"Here's my mobile number, when you get there phone me and we'll meet up, have a few drinks and get to know each other yeah?" Emily looked at me with a huge, inviting smile on her face.

"That sounds good, I'll see you there". I had a sudden case of the dreaded butterflies, and I _never_ got those.

She then handed me the piece of paper and her eyes lit up in the sunlight. They were so brown and dark and I felt myself getting lost in them for a second. We said our goodbyes and she walked off to her lesson. Effy was still stood by my side and watched me intently before she gave me a wink and a knowing smile.

"Naomi Campbell getting butterflies_. Who_ would have thought?" Said Effy as she laughed and walked off.

"What? No! Of course not! Shit! Effy you cow!". Damn that girl, I would've sworn I was transparent if she didn't do that psycho shit to everyone.

One thing about Effy Stonem that I hate is she can sort of read people like a book. You don't have to say anything, but she can instantly tell what you're thinking and feeling. She knew that I had felt feelings unbeknown to me, and she loved it. I didn't even know what I was feeling at the time, but Effy did, so at least one of us knew what the hell just happened...


	2. Chapter 2: Yavers

Chapter 2: Yavers

**I hope you liked the first chapter, a little slow i know, but development starts to happen from this point. Thankyou for reviewing, i will keep going with this now :)  
Anywho, I had already written this chapter before hand, so i'll put it up now :) tata x**

The party at Yavers was a complete frenzy of drugged up and intoxicated teenagers, just as I had expected. The music was blaring from some 'cool' guys speakers, but it was all indie shit. My idea of pure hell was what this beach party had to offer. But I wasn't there for them. I was here to see Emily.

I phoned her and she said she was over at the abandoned barge just catching up with some people quickly and that she would meet me where Effy and Freds were by the rock heap.

"Hey Naomi-kins you made it!" said Effy high as a kite, her arms intertwined with Freddie's legs.

"Yeah I made it in the end, had to fight off some paralytic guy asking me for some vodka, nightmare"

"Hey Naomi, how's it keeping?" Freddie looked at me, eyes glazed over, bloodshot and tired. He was always so laid-back, and floated through life without a concern. Lucky sod.

"Not bad you stoner, got any spliff you wanna give me? I need to calm the fuck down after my shitting ordeal". Fred's handed me the pre-rolled spliff and I cast my eyes over to another sea of people. There in the mist, walking through them was the unmistakable red. And cue the ever persistent butterflies.

She was wearing a gorgeous sequined top, skinny jeans and cute purple pumps. Her ruby red hair was down and had a slight kink to it. She looked very hot.

"Hey Nai, wondered if you would find us, there's so many people here, hard to see through the crowds!" Emily sat down and proceeded to start drinking her Jack Daniels.

"I know, its utter chaos" I said as I plonked my arse down on the sand next to Emily and lit up the spliff.

* * *

We talked for what seemed like days. And the strangest part of it was, we weren't stuck on conversation ideas, they just came so naturally. We had only known each other a matter of hours, but our laughs and giggles sounded like those you get from meeting up with an old friend you haven't spoke to for a while. We had so much to say. It was perfect.

"Hey you two, were gonna get going, Freddie wants some chips and a soft drink. I want a bed and were not gonna find any of that here now are we?"  
Effys eyes intensified, and it was like she was saying "I'm actually going because you two are getting on so well and having a stoned Freddie and a tired me here isn't gonna help you get the girl is it?". Of course at the time, I wasn't sure if I wanted the girl or not, I barely knew her. But Eff was doing her psycho shit again, she knew all, but didn't think to inform me. Typical.

"Okay Eff, See you on monday. Bye Freddie, hope you get a drink. I could do with some, that weeds made my mouth all dry" said Emily trying to revitalise her tastebuds.

"Cottonmouth Red, a constant battle that me and the green have. But chips is what I need, chips! Like loads and loads". Freddie just kept going on about chips and we all just sat and laughed at his obvious need for the delectable potatoe treat. The munchies had kicked in obviously.

"Yeah bye Eff, text me tomorrow okay?" I said as she nodded and gave me another quick wink and a intense smile, before heading off with Freddie.

* * *

The party had died down a bit by this point and Emily and I were sat by the campfire.

"You know what Nai; I don't feel quite as fucked as I should be right now. It's a party and I feel positively sober. What's up with _that_!", she said as she took a swig out of her Jack. She handed me the bottle, took a swig and I felt the hot sensation trickle down my throat.  
After another hour and a bit of laughing, giggling and talking the alcohol seemed to have kicked in and I felt quite drunk at this point.

"Ems I think it's done the trick, I feel quite drunk now, like a cat in a hat, or some shit like that!" I didn't quite know what I was saying but Emily laughed and then just stopped and looked into my eyes.

"What is it Emsie? Have I got something on my face?" I said giggling, but stopped when I noticed her now serious expression.

"I just want to… I mean I just feel like…oh shit…I don't know"

Her words were making no sense to me. Maybe it was the alcohol that made her do it, but before I could say anything, she leaned over and kissed me.

Holy shit. We were kissing. Emily and I, locked in an embrace, one that I can truly say made me feel something I never felt before. But what ever I was feeling, it was electrifying. I felt shivers all down my spine.

"I'm sorry" she said as she pulled away.  
"I don't know what came over me; we've only known each other for like a day, not even that and oh shit. Shit, shit, shit". She looked embarrased and still slightly intoxcated. She turned away from me, eyes downcast. I didn't really know what to say. And as i was drunk, I told the truth.

"Ems look at me. I liked it. It was a shock at first, but it felt good".  
My words seemed to have got her out of her state and she turned back round. Her big old browns staring just sent me crazy and I acted on impluse. This time _I_ kissed her.

From that point on I knew I was fucked. I was never really one to define my sexuality, but the idea of not being straight confused the shit outta me. Was I really gay?

**Chapter 3 will be good people, ****more development and some insight. Keep with me on this, it won't disappoint (i hope).**


	3. Chapter 3: All seeing, All knowing

Chapter 3: All seeing, All knowing.

**Hey guys, loving the fact you like what i'm doing so far :) This chapter means a lot to me, for many reasons, so hope you enjoy it! x  
Rate and review cos' it makes me smile  
Chapter 4 will be up as soon as i find the time. I'm having to work a lot over the weekend, but it'll will be worth the wait ;P trust x**

We kissed for what seemed like forever, slowly enjoying the moment. After about 10 minutes we stopped and just stared into each others eyes. I loved her eyes; they were every bit as perfect as the rest of her body.  
"You know I'm not really like this. It's just, I feel like I have known you forever Naomi. I couldn't resist you, I just…"

"I know I felt it too..." I said cutting her sentence short as I wanted her to know that I felt every bit of electricity as she did. Regardless of how utterly confused I was, the kiss was amazing. I knew that much.

"So, I know this is going to sound like I'm hitting on you completely, but do you want to come back to mine? It's gone 2am and I only live 5 minutes away" Her eyes were pleading, and she looked quite anxious waiting for my reply.

"Yeah sure, your place sounds great " I said with a genuine smile. I didn't mind one bit if she was hitting on me. I mean, I secretly hoped she was.

* * *

9. 00 Am. Oh Jesus, holy crap! I woke up in a strange bed and found a somewhat out of it Emily tucked up under a quilt. Last night was a blur, but the kiss we shared stayed fixated on my mind.

So here was the deal. I kissed a girl. I kissed a girl I had known for approximately 12 hours. I kissed a girl, and the biggest cliché of them all was, I liked it. Oh shit, _I liked it._

I looked at my phone, one new message from Effy reading:

"_Hope_ _you and Em had fun last night ;)  
you seemed to hit it off really well, which I could obviously see coming.  
Anyway, give me a text when you're awake and we'll meet at the shipper's café for a coffee.  
Love Effy xo"  
_  
I got out of bed quietly, trying not to wake Emily from her sleepy state. I began texting Effy back, saying I would meet her at 10:30am in the café.  
I looked over at the bed and Emily was just waking up. Her eyes looked saw, her red hair all messed up over her face and her mascara was half way down her cheeks. She looked like she had a heavy night, but she was still beautiful.

"Hey I'm going to get going I think, got people to meet, things to do you know?" I said in a timid voice, biting my lip and projecting my anxiety all round her room. I need to learn how to grow a pair.

"It was nice to get to know you Nai" said Emily in such an adorable way. She rubbed her eyes and smiled.

I paused for a sec. This was my chance to stop running.

"It was...well, now we officially know each other, when shall we meet again?" Upon saying this I felt my stomach go, I hoped she would want to see me. Fuck, I really hoped, but had no idea why. I just knew this girl was worth all the butterfly shit.

"How about tomorrow night if you're free? We could watch a movie and get a pizza?" she looked at me and her eyes darkened.

"Sounds fabulous, text me" I said with all the charm and wit I could muster up at that time of the morning.

And with that, I walked out of Emily's house, on the way to meet the enigma that is Effy Stonem.

* * *

Oh shit. Shit, crap,_ fuck_. In almost 24 hours I had met a girl, kissed her, slept in her bed and arranged a date with her, well pizza and a movie in my eyes is a date, so I shall call it that.  
But oh my days. Never had it dawned on me that the feelings I felt were ones of lust, of passion, of wanting...of Emily.

"You're a tad late Nai, where the fuck were you? Your house is like 2 minutes away from here!" said Effy, always the patient charmer. I mean I was like 10 minutes late, _Jesus_.

"Yeah sorry I'm like_ 10 minutes_ late you old coon, I slept at Emily's last night and she lives like 700 miles away..." I knew how Effy would react to that statement, so I just waited till her face lit up and her eyes looked deep into mine.

"WHAT…THE...FUCK!!!!!?" said Effy with a huge grin on her face, her piercing blue eyes looking deep into mine.

"Naomi you old Casanova! I knew it would happen, but I didn't think it would this soon you know" said Eff with a dirty look on her face.

"Well I guess your perfect judgement has been ruined Eff, think your loosing your magic touch. All that all seeing, all knowing bollocks, just an act obviously" I said smirking and winking. Naomi Campbell-1. Effy Stonem-0.

"So, what went down then Miss iamsosarcasticithurts?". Effy rolled her eyes and started to light up a fag.

"No we didn't shag or anything. But we kissed. Well we kissed a hell of a lot actually. But...I'm so confused right now, I'm not _even_ gay".

I sounded so unsure of what I had just said. Until meeting Emily I hadn't really felt anything for anyone. I always maintained that all that love and lust crap is for jumped up wankers. I never assumed that _I_ would ever fall for anyone. I mean, I'm not even sure if I had fallen for Emily. I was so confused. Oh God, please help me.

"Well Naoms, gay, bi, or straight, I still love you" said Effy before taking a sip of her hot coffee and shouting bollocks really loud because she burnt her tounge.

"Thanks Eff, but to be honest, it was a drunken kiss; I didn't even talk to her about how she felt. I just got up and ran basically, like I always fucking do. But I'm meeting her tomorrow, so I'll muster the courage to find out then".

"Okay, but how do _you_ feel about her?" Effys eyes shone, she probably knew at the time how I felt deep down but wanted me to say it aloud.

"I like her. In fact, I think she's great. I liked her company and I even liked kissing her. We're chalk and cheese you know? But our personalities seem to just...fit". Saying it out loud to my best mate felt right. It didn't feel weird admitting that I might actually like a girl. It felt natural.

"There you go then. Go for it. You have always maintained this bravado that you don't need someone, but Nai, we all do, even me. I mean Freddie's not everybody's idea of a knight in shining armour. But he's mine and he's great for me. He makes me laugh and more importantly...he makes me _happy_" said Eff; she really knew what to say and how to say it.

"So don't let the one person who you felt an instant connection with slip through your fingers. I mean, it's always the people you_ least _expect that can make you the most happy". And with Effys words of wisdom etched deeply into my mind, she got up, gave me a hug and went to meet Freddie.

The people you _least_ expect. Too right. I never once thought that a petite red head would make me feel like this. I spent the rest of that day thinking of her. About our first encounter, our first glance...our first kiss.

* * *

My mind was full of what if's and maybes about last night; I was going mental just replaying our conversations over and over. So I phoned her. I couldn't stand having to wait till tomorrow to have my questions answered. Cue the sick feeling in my stomach.

"Hey Naomi, was just thinking about you, how odd" said Emily sounding happy that I rang. A good start so far.

"Hey yeah I just wanted to see how you were and wondered if you were free today?" Oh God I really hoped she was.

"I am indeed; do want to have our date, I mean meet up today then?" she sounded flustered, I however didn't mind her caling it a date in the slightest.

"That sounds good, so it's a date now is it?" I said with a cheeky grin etching across my face. All these feelings were starting to get to me, I started to play on them.

"Only if you want it to be? So if you could be at mine for say 6pm?" Emily's husky voice sounded so sexy, I almost forgot everything.

"Looks like i'll see you later then" I said trying to sound like I was totally cool about the whole thing. I wasn't of course.

"You will indeed"

And with that we hung up and I felt butterflies slowly subside. I felt so happy, so nervous, but also so conflicted? I Hoped all these feelings would die down in time, as I wanted to be at peace again. Little did I know, they wouldn't go away anytime soon...


	4. Chapter 4: Choir of Furies

Chapter 4: Choir of furies

**Hello again, update is here as promised. Managed to find some time to get it up which is pleasing :)  
Anyway, thanks for the reviews, one in particular made me smile as it said my writing was realistic. Thats the direction i'm going in as a lot of the feelings Naomi felt were quite similar to my own :o  
Hope you enjoy this. I have to admit it was quite difficult to write some of it down, as i have never done it before (so go easy). Here goes, hope you enjoy my first attempt of 'smut' :P  
Onwards and upwards x**

I walked up Emily's drive at 5.58pm to be exact. I wanted to be dead on time. I hesitated before proceeding. All these questions like _'Is this really what I want?_' or '_Am I doing the right thing?'_ buzzed in and out of my mind. I wanted to run, my feet wouldn't let me. Before I got a chance to capture my thoughts, the door swung open.

It was Katie, Emily's fraternal twin. They looked similar, but not so much that I can't tell who's who. I learnt a lot about Katie last night when Em and I were chatting. Apparently Ems hates her, she doesn't attend our school and she's a total chav slut, which is now made apparent to me as I'm stood staring at her.

"And you are?" said Katie in a bitchy tone. Her eyes looked me up and down, a sense of disgust spread over her face. We had only just met and I already sensed that I wouldn't be getting on with this twin. Ever.

"Hi, nice to meet you too...I'm Naomi, here to see Emily" I said in my most pleasant tone of voice and only a hint of sarcasm as I stood looking at her.

"Oi, bitch, some blondes here to see you! Hurry the fuck up, i'm late meeting Danny!" shouted Katie nearly deafening me.

I saw Emily walk down the stairs. She looked every bit as beautiful as before. And the butterflies once again kicked in. Fuck my life.

"Hey Naomi, sorry about Katie, she's got pms the stupid bitch. Believe it or not, that isn't Katie at her worst!", said Emily laughing at her own words. How cute can someone be? "Come on in".

I followed Ems into the house. The smell of vanilla and cherries hit me as I walked through the corridor, hitting my senses all at once. I followed her into her room and shut the door. To think we had only known each other for a day was unbelievable. The happiness I felt was overwhelming, but the underlying anxiety about it all was pissing me off.

* * *

We spent the next few hours watching 'American Beauty' on and off and munched on ham and pineapple pizza. We laughed, chatted and shared stories about our unconventional families, which was enetertaining to say the least. I started to feel very relaxed and I could tell Em did too; she was laying her head on my shoulder and nuzzled her face into my hair. The film finished and Em turned to me, her big browns looking deep into mine. I had a feeling from this point that I couldn't hide anymore.

"We never did talk about last night did we?" the words she said hit me hard, what on earth could I say? The truth was scary. Admitting it felt scarier.

"I know I kinda did rush out this morning...but yeah. It was nice" I said giving her an awkward smile. The courage i felt earlier darined away. I started to feel feeble and weak.

"It was nice. I liked it and…I like you Naomi".

I knew what she meant but it was hard for me to grasp the concept that she might have fallen for me, and I too had maybe fallen for her. To say it was love at first sight would not have been that ridiculous. Okay, I wasn't _in_ love but looking into her eyes provoked feelings in me. Ones to which I was not accustomed to. Emily waited eagerly for my reply, I could feel my heart racing and my palms getting sweaty.

So I went for it. My head was saying no, but my heart was saying yes.

"I like you too Em...I mean, I know it's been a day, but I feel like I've known you for years. I can let my guard down around you, something that I have done for very few people in my life. You make me feel…". I looked into her eyes. I felt lost in her gaze. She had me.

* * *

And before I could utter another word our lips crashed together as we found ourselves tightly embracing one another on the bed. A soft kiss had turned into an aggressive and lustful one, her hand had wrapped around my hair, tugging me closer. Our tongues moved together seemlessly, swirling and dancing. She undid my shirt urgently and the touch of her hands on my skin sent shivers reverberating throughout my whole body. She started to undo my bra and undress me roughly. In the heat of the moment I found a new sense of confidence and went with it whole heartedly. I felt so aroused, it felt _so_ good.  
I kissed her on her neck, leaving tiny embers of heat as I slowly moved down to her chest. Her hands slid up and down my back, her nails scoring my skin, leaving burning trails of desire. I slowly savoured every moment as her hands got lower down my body, her fingers tickling my inner thighs. I took off her bra and flipped her onto her back. I kissed all her sensual curves while she held on tightly to my hair, the fiery charge was getting too much. Her hips arched into me she began to feel the rush, the wanting of more. I undid the button to her jeans and paused before going any further.

"Are you sure?" I said quickly, stroking her hair. I wanted to make sure she wanted this as much as I did.

"Fuck me, I need you" She said gasping for air, and with that I kissed her uncontrollably, looking into her brown orbs and feeling drowned with desire.

I took off the remainder of her clothes and began kissing down her stomach, sucking and bitting, leaving little red bombs as I travelled down her gorgeous body. Her moans were becoming more frequent and I knew where she wanted me the most. I wanted to prolong the ecstasy and her release for as long as possible. I kissed inbetween her thighs, swirling my tongue in little circles of heat while my hand caressed her nipple, sending shockwaves down her body. She was aching for her climax, so I gave into the command. She threw her arms back in lust filled fury and held tightly onto the bedframe when i entered her. Her moans had turned to gasps and pants, her muffled cries of _I'm coming_ became faster and her body shivered from head to toe. I was so wet i could hardly concentrate, but on our last last touch she collided our lips together and she screamed into me as she came down from her high. I slowly recovered my breathing from the monumental build up of our encounter. It was so hot. So sexy. Emily looked into my eyes and kissed me softly on my lips. She stroked my hair over my ear and we hugged, needing to feel that closeness.

It was the nicest feeling in the world, just having skin on skin contact with someone. It felt so right and with Emily, I didn't it want stop. I was hooked and couldn't get enough. I needed her. I wanted _all_ of her. She was like a drug to me.

It was perfect. I must admit it first felt alien to me as my only sexual encounters before Emily were with males. I mean, I was pleasantly surprised at how much pleasure I got from being with a girl. My ex boyfriend had, err, how can I put this...difficulties in satisfying me in that way. But Emily...Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Just her touch sent me into an electrifying frenzy.

And with that, we lay curled up into one another, tightly embracing each others bodies. We fell into a peaceful sleep and I knew that this was the time I would stop running.

* * *

"Hey you, are you okay?" said Ems as she stroked my hair out of my eyes. Her sleepy expression looked so cute.

"Not great actually. I mean, being with you just is like the worst thing ever" I said in my very sarcastic tone, with a cheeky smile. I couldn't help but laugh at her shocked expression.

"Of course I'm okay Ems, infact i'm the happiest I have ever been for a very long time. How are you?"

"I feel the same, i've never felt this way. The only criticism I have is your hand hitting me over the head in your sleep, but I'll live" said Ems laughing and hitting me with her pillow.

"That's it you asked for it!" I said grabbing another pillow and commencing a massive fight with the feather pillows.

We fought for what seemed hours, and then after I had really lost the will to live, I surrendered and collapsed on her bed. I pulled her into a tight hug and kiss her head. I thought to myself how surreal the past 48 hours had been, and how much I let myself be known to a girl I had basically just met. It felt strange how she managed to see past my defensive armour and bravado. Usually people didn't even bother to get to know me, as they knew it probably wouldn't get them very far, but with Emily, she broke the barriers and got herself in.

Little did I know, the one person who I let know me completely, who I let come into my world, who I let see me for who I _really_ was, would one day be the one to hurt me so deeply that I feared I may never recover...

**So, what do you think? **


	5. Chapter 5: Broken

Chapter 5: Broken

**Hey, this is a long chapter. So grab a coke, a bite to eat and be prepared lol.  
You may wonder why some things happened like they did in parts, but all will be revealed in the next chapter.  
Sorry if theres any mistakes, they are all my own of course.  
Over and out x**

It had been exactly 6 months since Emily and I had spent our first night together. We were now in a proper relationship, after I finally realised she was the one and took the brave step of asking her to be my girlfriend. I won't go into the logistics of how I managed to grow a pair and ask her out officially, but just picture 20 scented candles, 2 bottles of wine, scattered roses petals and very little clothing. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

To say I wasn't a little apprehensive about the whole relationship thing at first would be a total lie, because I was secretly shitting myself. I mean, I had to come to terms with the fact that I had fallen for a girl, so that ruled out me being straight, which I had thought I was for some time. I had to realise that I was now not on my own, the once independent me had vanished. I had someone who was relying on me for their happiness, and I couldn't screw it up. But more importantly, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was in..._love. _Yes you heard me correctly, I used the L word. I never thought I would say it. Ever.

But Emily changed me. In fact, she stripped me bare of the old Naomi and everything that I had once been dissolved. I was no longer a 'sour-faced shrew' or an angry bitch as my mother would kindly put it, I was happy, smiley (like all the fucking time when Ems was around) and just at peace with life. She had done this to me and I was grateful.

* * *

College was now heating up as our final A-level exams were in sight. Everyone around the campus seemed more hectic than usual, due to the fact Universities were offering places, this was our last year and people were finally starting to realise that we were gonna have to start living like adults.  
Mine and Ems relationship had now become public knowledge round college and no body treated us any different. At first, I was hesitant to hold her hand round site, let alone kiss her, but my insecurities soon flew out the window when I became aware that I really didn't give a fuck what people thought, I was in love and thats what mattered.

"So when are you two lovely ladies gonna put on a show for Cookie? I'm in dire need of some girl on girl action" said Cook, wagling his tounge and winking at me and Ems at lunch. We were used to his forwardness, but it still made me cringe from time to time.

"Um...never Cook? Contrary to popular belief, we do not put on _shows_" I said, rolling my eyes and feigning a shocked expression. Ems laughed and squeezed my hand gently.

"Blondie, when will you realise that the cookie monster _never_ gives up?"

"I realised you wouldn't give up a long time ago Cook, but it still doesn't mean we're going to cave in to your demands". I looked at Ems and she just rolled her eyes at the obviously sex-deprived Cook.

"We'll see Blondie, we'll see". Cook winked at me then carried on stuffing his mouth full of food, with all the grace of a pot-bellied pig. What a charmer.

"Guys, we need a night out. All this A-level shit is too fucking boring, we need to get proper wrecked!" Said Effy, hollering at us. We all looked at Eff with a smirk on our faces. She was right, all this exam stress was making us forget who we really were. Horny, adolescent teenegers who liked to drink copius amounts of vodka and smoke _way_ too much weed.

"YES MATE, LETS GO FUCKING MENTAL!", bellowed Cook at the top of his lungs. All of us literally jumped out of our skins. He stood up and covered his head with a bottle of water, shaking his hair around and looking like a total nutter. The whole field where we sat on for lunch went silent, Cook knows how to make a scene.

"Alright mate, sit down you fucker, it's only a night out for christ sake!" said Freds, looking slightly emabarrased, but more amused.

"Only a night out Freds? Nah mate, it's not just that, this will be a fucking tip-toparoo night out! Just gimme a sec and i'll make a few calls, sort some pills out and shit" Cook grinned from ear to ear and started to arrange the nights entertainment.

"So what you say Nai, Ems? You in?" said Effy

I looked at Ems to see what she thought about the whole thing. Her eyes glistened and she smirked. The night was a goer.

"Too fucking right"

"Well thats sorted then, Panda, Thomas and JJ will come, as i'll make them. The whole gang together, what could possibly go wrong?" Said Effy grinning at me in the way that she does. You see, Eeerytime the whole gang went out, some shit would happen, to do with Cook usually as drama follows him around like a bad smell. But I had a feeling that this night would be different, looking back now, how right was I...

* * *

Me, Emily, Panda, Thomas, JJ and Fred's were stood in the town square waiting for Effy and Cook to arrive with the nights narcotics. It was fucking freezing, but I had Emily as my temporary wrap-around blanket.

"Hey you are you two gonna stop getting in out or what? I mean were in public, it's just you know…not very private" said Freddie looking agitated. He secretly loved it really, but the fear of getting a hard on in Tumbridge town square was too much for him to bare.

"Ha-ha sorry Fred's, didn't realise we were making you so…hot!" Said Emily, breaking her grasp from me to mock Freddie. She held her hand through mine and gave me a warm smile.

"No, No it's not that, you're not making me… I mean…there's children around…ahh fuck it. Just stop okay, you know what happened last time!" said Freddie, looking downcast and going very scarlet in his cheeks. Let's just say he had a little 'accident' and Effy wasn't too pleased with his lack of self control.

"What time did Effy and Cook say they'd be here Freds? I mean it's gone 10 and I want to get clubbing" I said, just wanting to go into some shelter as it was cold, dark and freezing. Trust them to be late, they're never on time when it comes to getting drugs.

"She just text me saying they're coming round the corner" he said pointing to the mysterious figure coming towards us. Behind was a not very mysterious Cook, jumping and thrashing his arms about in the air.

"There you are. Never the one to stick to plans are we?" I said shivering, holding Emily whilst nuzzling into her hair.

"Keep your knickers on Nai, had to wait a while to get the new stock in and Cook was pissing around as usual. But anyway, got them now so let's go and get monumentally fucked up yeah?" The smirk on her face and twinkle in her eye lead us all to believe she wasn't joking. This was gonna be one hell of a night. And by hell I mean _Hell._

* * *

The Scorpion Cub, or more commonly know as '_TSC' _was totally packed full of people as usual. It's a gay bar, full of a different variety of people, all of different sexual orientations. Even though the others are straight, they still loved the atmosphere and we came here quite regularly to 'get low with the queers' as Freddie would put it, being the politically correct individual that he is.

"Hey so you all want some pills yeah? They're called 'whizzers' and Cook said they give you a massive buzz" said Effy, shaking the bag in the air. The little florescent pills inside shaking around, they looked so good. We all looked on in tempation. Apart from JJ of course.

"Not for me thank you Effy. You really do not have a clue what they could be cut with. Chalk, cat litter and gravel are the believed new ingredients of the street MDMA nowadays". JJ shifted on his feet and looked around as we all laughed, but admired his forthrightness.

"Thats okay, Jay. Kinda guessed you wouldn't be having any" Said Eff smiling genuinely and stroking his arm.

"Anyone else?".

Cook helped himself to 4 pills and staggered his way into the club, off to find a 'straight bird to willy-waggle with' as he put it. Fred's, Thomas and Panda also took a couple.

"Yeah why not, let's get this party started!" said Ems and with that she downed two florescent yellow and pink pills, washed down with a gulp of vodka and lemonade.  
I also got two pills, downed them with a hit of cider and followed Ems into the club.

* * *

The drum and bass was so good. The beat was electric and the drugs made everything seem like we were travelling in an alternative universe. The neon lights shone brightly and the dancing people moved quickly to the beat. Ems and I were having a great time, just dancing and drinking, I could feel her pulsating as we got closer to each other. The mood in the club was on fire. And of course everyone was high which made it more entertaining.

"Its so fucking awesome here tonight Nay and the pills are really giving me a buzz. I'm totally FUCKED!!!" said Ems as the sweat trickled down her face and her eyes met mine.

"I know the pills are so good, but I need to go and sit down for a minute, need to just chill you know? I said as I stopped dancing. I really needed to sit, my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

"Okay then Nai. I'm gonna stay here and dance some more, come back over when your done yeah? " she said before she kissed me and started jumping to the beat again.

"I love you Emily"

"I love you too"

I turned away and sat at the bar. I lit a cigarette and got myself a glass of water. I looked over at the dance floor and saw Ems having the time of her life. She really looked in the zone, really happy and proper fucked, but in a good way. I turned back round and just thought about us and how happy we were together. The past months had been the best time of my life and I could not imagine going back to the way it used to be.  
I had never had that one person who you could just be with, who you didn't have to pretend with, who you could just be yourself with. And to think that one 5'2" red head, with huge brown eyes and small toes could make me feel like I did was unbelievable.

* * *

I glanced around again to see how Ems was getting along so I could join her, when I couldn't see her petite frame jumping around anymore. I cast my eyes all round the room, but I couldn't see her obvious red hair anywhere. I wasn't worried or anything, just wanted to know where she was, so I got up and went searching.

"Hey you guys, you seen Ems?" I said to Effy, Freddie and JJ who were sat at a table talking to a couple of drag queens. They all looked so happily spaced out.

"We did just a second ago, she was dancing. Why, isn't she anymore?" said JJ looking intrigued as to where she may have gone.

"Nah, I looked round the dance area but no sign". I wasn't worried at this point, just wanted to know that she hadn't passed out or something.

"She probs in the toilet or outside?" Said Effy, wide eyed and dreamy.

"Yeah I was gonna look there next. Just wondered if you had spotted her so it would have saved me the ever so long journey" I said smiling at Effy. She winked at me and carried on asking 'Miss Tequila-Mockingbird' where she got her wigs and fake tits.

I looked outside first as I thought she may have overheated and needed some air, but there she wasn't there. So I wondered back into the club, heading for the toilets. Looking back now, I wish I never left her on that dance floor.

* * *

I opened the door to the ladies and looked in the mirror that was facing all the cubuicles. What I saw in the mirror facing me made me want to be physically sick. My heart began to ache, stabbing pains entered my chest area at a rapid speed and my head felt like it was going to expolde. I was finding it hard to breathe.

There, looking up at me was Emily, propped up against the wall by some girl with her hands all over her, touching her, kissing her, inside her. I stared in shock as I watch the girl I love, the girl I fucking love _so_ much, fucking a stranger.

No words could escape my mouth as she quickly realised it was me.

"Naomi, its not what you think, I'm sorry, I'm out of my head, I'm not sure what I'm doing" She said as she pushed the slut to one side, pulled up her jeans and quickly ran over to me.

I could not move my eyes away from the mirror. I was stuck. Glued to the spot, not even aware if I was still breathing or not. I registered what she said and turned around, numb and heartbroken.

"Your not fucking sure what your doing?" I said quickly before she could carry on with her excuses. The anger in me began to take over. The old me came flooding back.

"I think you know what your doing Hun, you seemed to have that all sussed out! Your fucking a stranger in a bog if your really not sure" I try to hold back the tears but they slowly trickle down my face. I turned round again and put the tap on to splash some water onto my face. I felt her hands slide round my waist and quickly grabed her wrist so that I turned to face her head on.

"So who is this then? She's pretty Em, good catch. I mean, what I give you is obviously not enough, so you have to get your kicks elsewhere ey?" The words came out my mouth so bitterly and full of venom the other slag looked taken a back. Emily looked scared. Usually I would have hugged her and told her it would all be fine. She wasn't my Emily though.

"Naomi, I love you. Please!" said Emily now crying, pleading on the toilet floor. Her tears would have once make me want to cuddle her and tell her I would fix it, but now the thought of her being anywhere near me made me feel sick. The slag that was fucking my girlfriend walks out of the room finally, her presence was making me every bit angrier.

"I was scared, so scared...I love you". Emily said the words so sheepishly I barely heard them.

"STOP! Just stop with your fucking shit lies! You _love_ me do you? You're _scared_ are you? I'm glad you think fucking a stranger is the best way of dealing with it". I grabed her by the wrist and pulled her up. I was hurting her, but I didn't care.

I was feeling so much. Hurt, anger, sadness, jealousy, love. I wanted to hurt her really badly. I wanted to make her feel the agony I felt. I didn't let go of her wrist and collided our lips together forcefully.

There was no passion this time, no feeling. She tried to get me to stop, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. I dug my nails into her neck and kissed her roughly. This wasn't tender. This was just an act. I needed to feel something.

Nothing.

I stopped when I realised she was crying hysterically and I felt a pang of guilt. I still loved her. I was just broken.

I looked into her eyes, my face hardened.

"We're done" The only words I could manage to say without breaking down completely.

I turned around to face the door and walk out. My tears are in full swing now and I couldn't stop them. I felt like I had just been shot. A bullet to the brain.

"NAOMI, I'M SORRY PLEASE!" said Emily now lying on the floor again, looking a complete state. I looked back into her eyes, usually I would see the person I loved so dearly, but now it was clouded, like the person staring back was someone else entirely. I didn't know who she was.

"Go fuck yourself" I said angrily before slamming the door open and storming out. My mascara and eyeliner had run everywhere, my cheeks were covered in lines of black and my eyes were puffy.

All I wanted to do was run. Run as far away as possible. I needed to run.

"Naomi, what's wrong? Babe look at me, what's happened?" said Effy running up to me obviously seeing I was distressed and upset. The look of concern in her eyes was too much.

"Go ask that slag in the toilets I'm sure she's got the answer you're looking for!" I said really bitterly. I didn't mean to sound like I was taking it out on Effy, but I really just wanted to leave and at the time all I saw was someone trying to stop me.

* * *

I ran out off Effy's presence and out of the club. The cold air hit me as I began to run down the street. It began to rain but my body felt so numb I could barely register the icy water hitting me. I was in so much physical and emotional pain I dropped to the floor and started crying hysterically. Passers by looked at me in bewilderment and offered a hand getting up, but I bit their heads off and told them to fuck off.

I couldn't understand. Okay she was out of it, but we have been lots of times in the past, but I have never ever looked at another girl. Ever. And why was she scared? What had I done to make her scared?

All these thoughts were flying thorough my mind at an alarming pace. We had fallings out before but I knew this time that we wouldn't kiss and make up. She had left a permanent scar on my heart. I knew it was just drunken sex, but it's more than that. This is a girl who I love, who's meant to love me, the girl who I gave myslef to. We're meant to be _together_.

I picked myself off the floor eventually and stumbled back home. On my phone there were a dozen messages from Emily trying to explain herself, to make it all seem okay, but it wasn't ever going to be okay again. I threw the phone at the wall and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the side. I downed the majority of it, to try and escape. It burnt my throat but it didn't compare to the other pain I felt. My eyes were in grievous amounts of agony, the crying had really made them turn a dark shade of red. My body was shaking, I couldn't control myself. To go to sleep, I thought, would make it worse as the images were sharply etched in my mind.

But I did in the end and days went by before I got up again.

**Review please :)**


	6. Chapter 6: Future dust

Chapter 6: Future dust

**This chapter is about the aftermath of the events that happened before hand. It's not very long granted, but it will keep you in suspence, till the next one.  
I'm not sure which direction I want this story to go in now, hense all the angst ;)  
I'll try and update asap, but work commitments are a bummer at the moment.  
Enjoy (or not as the case may be) x  
**

__

"And even at the bottom of the sea I could still hear you in my head. Telling me, touch me, feel me. And all the time you were telling me lies…" 

Words could not comprehend what I felt. No actions could describe it. No one could heal it. I had vanished. I shut myself off from the world, not wanting to let anyone in. Even daylight was too much.

I hadn't spoken to anyone in 2 weeks. I avoided college at all costs; I couldn't bear to face _her_. The pictures of us scattered on my walls had been ripped down, her clothes thrown out of sight. Everything that reminded me had gone. My dreams had disappeared, along with my sense of reality.

I had completely shut down and didn't want to hear anything, see anything, or be anything. I had reverted to my old ways. The cold hearted, angry and closed off individual that I despised so much. It was killing me.

_She_ was killing me.

_Love_ was killing me.

My phone was full to the brim with texts and missed calls from the gang, but mainly from _her_. I couldn't face it, couldn't let myself be vulnerable to more pain. It was unbearable.

Then one day I had enough. Enough of it all, I was so sick and tired of_ feeling_. I didn't want to feel anymore. I wanted to be numb from the inside out.

So I ran. I escaped of the confines of my room, my secluded headspace. I ran and kept on running to the one place I knew I could just _be_.

* * *

"Naoms, I wondered when you would come" Effy pulled me into an affectionate hug on her doorstep. I just stood there, averting eye contact, rigid and devoid. No emotion, no expression…nothing.

Effy was my release. A person who understood. No words were ever needed.

"Don't Eff, please. I just need to escape right now. No emotions. No talking. Just…letting go", I said as Effy pulled me out of her embrace and stood observing my blank exterior. She knew how I felt. She didn't push it any further.

"Come in Nai, I'll get us a drink, coffee okay?"

"Vodka. Straight. A large one please". It was only 10am but I didn't care. I needed it.

We made our way into Effy's room and I sat down on her bed, looking blankly into space. I felt very little. Like I was in another world. It was progress.

Effy sat down next to me and put her hand on mine, looking into my vacuous eyes. The contact made me jump at first, but I soon rested into it. I knew she was here and that's all that mattered. I secretly craved for human contact, so anything was nice.

* * *

Hours had passed, Effy and I just laying in a comfortable silence. I was drinking copious amounts of vodka, my tense shell slowly breaking with each sip. Eff was smoking a spliff. A sense of normality encased her room. Then reality hit me.

I began to realize in my booze addled brain that I shouldn't be the only one hurting, the only one cut off from existence.

"Eff, you know what? I want to go out, I want to live while I still can" I said as she looked at me, trying to work out my motives. A small smirk appeared on my face, the first one in ages.

"Yeah that's what I want, a party! What parties are happening tonight?" My face began to show signs of life, a wicked smile had appeared, and my tone was slightly animated. Effy looked away on edge. I had a feeling I knew why.

"Naoms, there's one happening, but…I'm not sure if it'd be the best idea…" Effy looked at me apprehensively. I knew what was coming. So I said it for her.

"Ah, I see…Emily's going to be there isn't she?" This had been the first time I had said her name out loud for a while and a sudden bolt of pain entered my chest. I ignored it. Effy nodded and looked at me with pleading eyes. An opportunity to face her head on had come. I was ready.

"Even more perfect than I envisioned. What time shall we leave" I said, planning it all in my head. Effy looked conflicted, she knew only more pain and heartbreak could arise from this situation.

But tonight she was going to fall, like she never had before. It was _her_ time to hurt.

"Are you sure? I mean…we could just stay in, watch a movie, have a spliff-"

"I'm so sure Eff. It's time to let go. Time to be free and stop this pain. I can't sit back and mope around any more. I need to let go " I said, cutting her short. She nodded, knowing that it was all wrong, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her eyes still looked pleading, but I was dead set in motion. We grabbed our things and headed out the door.

I had made my decision. Tonight was going to be the end. The end of everything...

**Ooo the drama ;) review if you'd be so kind.**


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